I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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