My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
