no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
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i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
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Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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