I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
