It was confusing and full of hummus
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.