If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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