I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
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She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
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He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.