Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?