Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize