very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.