I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
