Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
