How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
