i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.