Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He better not be in your backpack
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.