people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"