the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
