You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
