he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
