dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
