I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
