she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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