Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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