Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
