A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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