So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
