Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
