that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
