Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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