I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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