The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
