i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
