i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
