he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
