Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
