Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
