her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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