I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
