i think my tv is drunk
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
