I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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