we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
