the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
