rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
