do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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