I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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