Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
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Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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