there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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