Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i came on her dog
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
