I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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