Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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