So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
