I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
