It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
