and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
