i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
