I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
