You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
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i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
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You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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