My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
