ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
