Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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