my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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