So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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