Sry I called you an 8
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
