You're completely useless in the revolution.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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