first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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