So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
