i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
