i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
