I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
